How Not To Be An Annoying Boyfriend!

Disclaimer: This is not a “feminist rant” against men and the special breed called, BOYFRIEND. 

What and when is that moment when a guy turns from just a boyfriend to an annoying boyfriend? I will tell you what irked me in the men I have dated so far. Not many though, but enough to understand what exactly I wouldn’t entertain in my man.

  • Mr. Protective aka Main sab sambhaal loonga

This guy I dated back in college was an overzealous pahaadi who always sprang to his feet if any guy was even within a radius around me. His usual stance would be, you don’t know guys, they are sexual beasts! Isn’t that offensive? I should have asked then, “Well aren’t they your friends?” But like any other dreamy-eyed (read dumbo) girl, I just used to squeal with joy and say aww! So regret that now.

If I had to go back in time, what would I tell him? 

Okay, so you feel protective of me? That’s nice and hey flattering too. Frankly, I like it when you consider me worthy enough of that love. But, seriously no need to get all fired up every time a guy checks me out or a (guy) friend of mine or yours talk to me. I am not running away with any of these so you should take a breather.  It is insulting to me as well.

  • Mr. I-Am-Busy aka I don’t have time for you

Now, this guy is the workaholic. The acha bacha of office. He will reach office before the boss does and leave after the housekeeping staff leaves.  He is the type who is everyone’s favorite. That, my dear ladies, is the real problem. He is just available for everyone and everything, but you!  His classic answer to all your let’s-meet-today question is always feeble, ‘I would love to, but…’ You will find him genuinely busy, meeting someone or the other; a casual friend, a school friend, a college friend, former colleagues, etc, etc. Or playing online games! But wait, you will be the last person to cross his mind when he’s making plans. And if he does meet you, he will make sure to drill it in your mind for an nth time that he is FUCKING BUSY!

If I had to go back in time, what would I tell him? 

Well, if you say it one more time that you are busy, I am surely going to walk away from this time-consuming relationship. I am busy too, but I made time for a whiny and lazy baby like you, so you better understand how special you are or simply walk away. I don’t mind investing my time in something more useful than wasting it with and on you!

  • The Man-Child aka Bhai ka fan, Maa ka Laadla

He is a jerk. A ridiculous guy who thinks that talking down to people, hitting you when you are low and smirking at everything is sexy. His ultimate possession is his abs and muscles. He can’t, for the love of the god, look past his “manliness” and good looks.  No, not all good looking men are jerks. Case in point being Justin Trudeau, Justin Baldoni, and more.

But, this guy is so obsessed with his existence, you can’t have real conversations with him. He just sucks the fun out of everything and makes it about him. Have you come across this creature?

My advice to you: RUN AWAY AS FAR AS YOU CAN FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

If I had to go back in time, what would I tell him? 

Listen, you suck! And if you get time to grow up and get your shit together, maybe we can stay friends. Until then bask in your (perceived) glory!

  • Mr. I Hate Feminists aka Sir Dumb-ledore

YASSS! The dreaded word, feminist has been mentioned in this article. Now let me tell you another scary fact. I am a FEMINIST! I would at least like to believe that about myself. Work in progress, nonetheless.

What I would like to believe is that feminism has gotten a horrible repute because of its bastardization. But if I come across a guy whose arguments start with words like, “These feminist types…” That’s it. That’s my red flag.

I know this guy can be a potential father who would teach his son to behave like a man and daughter to dumb down! He equates feminism with sexuality and feels women are best in their natural roles. Psst…Men get to decide the natural role of women here just so you know.

Yeah, I had the privilege to be with an ass***e who thought a girl with high sex drive was slutty. Yeah and a guy once told me, all feminists are ugly. I was taken aback, but it happens. That is the level of ignorance we have to put up with at times. You can either educate them or if they are being too rigid, you know what to do.

DUMP HIS FRIGGING ASS!

If I had to go back in time, what would I tell him? 

You are a lost cause. Bye!

I will come back with more ‘boyfriend’ deal breakers. Check out this space for more traits that will make you realize why you’re suddenly annoyed at the thought of hanging out with your bunny!

*Images: Pinterest

 

 

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